Dating and mental health

Im back it seems like a lifetime ago since I last posted probably because so much seems to have changed and its now been over two months in lockdown i hope everyone is ok and staying safe remember we are all dealing with this the best way we can nobody has ever experienced this before so were all learning as we go don’t be to hard on yourself ok now on to today’s post.

When my anxiety was really bad i really struggled to ever imagine myself dating or ever being in a relationship with someone I remember sitting in my moms bed having really bad anxiety one night and saying to my mom whos ever going to want to be in a relationship with me and who’s going to want to deal with my bad anxiety all the time when i can barely handle it myself.

looking back that makes me feel really sad for past molly as i like to call her because I didn’t value myself at all and i thought that because i suffered poorly with my mental health that in some way made me to difficult and unloveable with obviously isn’t the case and is something I’ve only learned as the years have gone by and as my mental health has improved.  It was only really by having counselling that i began to realise that i am worthy of love and that the right person  will come along when its  the right time and that just because I suffer with my mental health doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of that 

Social media definitely made things worse at that time as i would look on places like Instagram and see what i thought were all perfect relationships but newsflash there is no such thing and i really wish i would of realised that.

Those happy smiley couples might be dealing with their own heartache or might just have had an argument just before they took that picture or have been  arguing over who does the washing up every couple has their own issues that they have to deal with i really wanted to write this post for past me really and anyone else who right now is thinking that their mental health condition makes them unloveable and not worthy of love trust me that’s not true you deserve to be loved for exactly who you are and shouldn’t have to squeeze yourself into a mould to have that be you and be true to who you are because really isn’t that all we really can do. 

Mental health

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write this blog post or not but after the sad news of Caroline flack taking her own life on Saturday I felt compelled to write something after I heard the news on Saturday I was in complete shock.  Today as I'm writing this I still am and have been thinking about it ever since its so sad knowing that Caroline felt that taking her life was her only option I know for me and my own mental health struggles over the years I have had some really dark moments. where I've felt that there was a big black cloud hanging over me at all times and I couldn't escape the feeling of impending doom that at times felt all consuming and that there was no way out of the big black hole that I had fell down but with the support of my family and also multiple years of having counselling I've been able to pull myself out of that dark space it has in no doubt been easy but I feel so lucky to have the support network around me that I do and that I know I can also count on to lift me up in dark times.


 If I'm honest I do still have days or weeks or sometimes months where I feel that dark cloud coming over me again and for me I've found the best way is to not fight that feeling and know that in time it will pass sometimes I find journaling and writing down the way I feel helps get it off my chest and down on to paper and sometimes I find getting out into the fresh air helps clear and calm my mind even just for a little while its the little things that sometimes help and than honestly sometimes nothing helps that much and I just have to wait for that cloud to pass over me and wait for the sun to shine again which I always have faith will come .I've been thinking a lot about Caroline's family this week and what they must be going through right now and how they must be feeling and it really makes my chest ache just thinking about it I just hope from this we learn to be kind to others and think before we speak and post online because once those words are out there you have no control over them or how they might affect or perhaps destroy someone's life as Caroline herself once said in a world where you can be anything be kind I think that about rounds it off for today I hope your all having a good week and if not that's ok just remember the sun will come out again.

here are some different charities who are there to help if you find yourself struggling
https://www.samaritans.org/
https://www.mind.org.uk/

Happy 2020!!!!!!

Happy new year i can’t believe its now 2020 and were in a new decade that feels so weird to type January for me has always held with it some pressure i think over the years that has meant thinking that I need to in some way be different or better than i was the year before and have more goals for the year ahead.

As ive gotten older I’ve come to realise that the way i was thinking was wrong and that i was putting far to much preasure on myself and as were now into a new year I’ve made a promise to myself that I’m not going to put that guilt on myself and feel down if i don’t achieve all the goals I’ve set for myself I’m just going to try my best to focus on the things that i do achieve in the year.
I’ve already written down some goals that i would like to focus on in the year ahead and i know that everyone has goals that are personal to them and even though i wasn’t going to share any of mine there’s one that’s so important to me and my mental health that I’m going to share it  I’m going to be starting therapy this year

 I’ve had counselling quit alot over the years and have stopped at various times when I’ve felt that I’ve no longer needed it but one thing that I’ve learned is that for me i need to have someone to talk to so that i can keep on top of my anxiety and not let it get the better of me and I’m hoping that starting therapy really helps keep my mental on track and its nice being able to talk to someone who isn’t a family member or friend and who’s unbiased and can give me their honest opinion on things and i know that for me having thearpy is so important to me because as I’ve suffered with my mental health for quit afew years now.

 I’ve realised just how important keeping my mind healthy is for my overall well being so if anyone reading this is struggling in silence afraid to speak up and ask for help please know that your not alone and there are people out there who care about you and will listen to you i think that just about wraps it up for this post i hope you’ve all had a great start to 2020 speak soon .xx